Recently

Its been a while since Ive actually written anything. The kids were so out of control today and it was starting to take its toll on my nerves. I was tired of yelling at them because they were being kids and I was tired, so I turned on some quiet music and we read some books. I havent just sat and listened to nice relaxing music in a looooong time. It is amazing what it can do for your soul. If you get the right kind of music and the right kind of mood it can make you feel whole again and give you peace. So I am now sitting and listening and trying to keep my eyes open. I love it. I got myself out of the blasting noise of the television, the running around trying to do ten things at once, and just was.

I have been feeling a little "at the end of my rope lately". I saw the Dr. for my six week follow up two weeks ago. I was told I had postpartum depression and an anxiety disorder. She offered to put me on something, but its not to the point that I need medication. I would rather feel some emotions rather than turning them off at this point. I dont feel like hurting myself or anyone else, so if I go on medication and turn off the bad emotions I feel like I would miss the really good ones too. Because there is always that moment when your about to break and you just have to smile at the chaos around you, and thats usually where I find some strength. Granted its not that often that it happens, usually I just go to bed frazzled, but on those rare occasions it does you cant replace that feeling with anything else.