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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Confrontation

Guilty pleasures. Im not talking about the kind that get you arrested or pregnant. Im talking about the kind that you have to hide for fear of becoming a social leper. I am going to confess something. I love love love the Real Housewives. I don't know why. Ok thats a lie, I know exactly why! They get to live the lives that most people don't. They have money, some of them have looks, and drama. The money I would like, but only enough to live comfortably, not enough to develop a drug and alcohol problem. The looks are achieved by having money to pay for the expensive makeup that covers up flaws (and sometimes money cant even fix those). But the drama!! Oh the drama! Now wouldn't that be exciting?! I don't know what it is about drama, but most people crave it. I like to say I don't, but in reality I like the kind that doesn't affect me. I like to fantasize about telling someone that I secretly cant stand to be around my true feelings and watch their reaction as they play the unsuspecting victim. So why don't I? Well, I'm not a cold hearted bitch. I would feel great at the moment, but the second I saw some injured look I would do everything to try and comfort the person that I tore down. So what is the difference between them and me (The housewives of course)? Well I am not insecure enough to feel the need to Lord myself over someone else so that I feel bigger.
Have you ever had a friend that constantly walked away from a fight? Did you think, why doesnt that person stand up for themselves? Well that is me. I avoid conflict almost every time it arises. But here is how I feel about it.
I definitely have the "balls" to tell someone how I fell and, most of the time, I will win in an argument (from sheer stubbornness). I do, however, feel that most issues are resolved without someone "winning". If you really think about it, what would be gained from winning a fight?
I will give you an example. Someone, we'll call him Ernie, is having a conflict with someone else, we'll call Burt. Ernie is upset because Burt accidentally tripped him while they were crossing each other on a sidewalk. Now Ernie gets mad at Burt because he wants to play victim and starts saying things like "what the hell man, cant you see Im trying to walk here" Or "dont you watch where youre going?" And if Burt feels verbally attacked he might attack back. Would it solve anything? NO!! It would just make both parties feel like a victim. But, in most cases playing the victim feels great. You now have a reason to feel insecure. You now have someone else to blame all your negative self image issues on. Even if you are not aware thats what youre doing. I could just imagine how each person would think.
Ernie -"I can't believe what a jerk that guy is. Im ALWAYS considerate when I pass someone on the street. He didn't even have the decency to apologize, he just got out of hand. I am right"
Burt_"what an asshole!! I didnt do anything to that guy and he feels the need to attack me. Well Im not gonna take that. I am right"
Is either party really right? They feel within themselves that they are not worth what they really are so they think that everything is a personal attack. "I am overweight and he thinks Im a slob so he did it on purpose" or " I am not as attractive as that younger girl so she got a drink first, well if I were in my twenties again she would never get a drink before me".
When in reality, most people are going about their daily routines not giving you a second thought. Most people arent out to get us. And if they are then why not walk away from them, because secretly they are attacking you to feel better about themselves. So they can be right and you can be wrong, and they win.
I understand that there are instances when you shouldnt back down. When it is necessary to fight back or stand up for something or someone. But most of the time, it just causes drama. Think about when you stub your toe. It hurts, you cuss, you are in a bad mood for the next two hours, all because the thing you stubbed your toe on was out to get you.
Sometimes it takes a bigger person to walk away and let it roll of your back.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Motivation

Isn't it a nice thought that your butt that has made a permanent impression in the left couch cushion may one day get up and do some real exercise. Not just the daily movements that you convince yourself is exercise. You know when you think "well I have been chasing my kids around all day, and I did have to walk up and down the stairs to the apartment twice today so I'm sure that burned at least 200 calories". Well I don't know why I tell myself that when I want to feel better about not feeling better, but I do. And it never works. As much as I try to trick myself into thinking I can lose weight by eating one less oreo and only two pieces of bacon (instead of half of the pack!) I just can't. When I was twenty one I could go a week without soda, and by only doing that Id lose five pounds. Now If I tried that I guarantee Id gain at least three.
Today I didnt get out of my pjs until around three in the afternoon. Now before you jump to conclusions and start judging me, (because in my mind everyone is secretly judging me) It doesnt happen that often that I leave my pajamas on all day, and if I want I can, so there. But on the other hand, I really dont want to get into a routine of not getting dressed. I made that mistake when Manny was a newborn, and I slowly started to realize that the less I get dressed the more pimples I get on my face. I dont really know what the correlation is, but somehow they're related.
I have been finding it hard to motivate myself to get into shape recently. I do all the things youre supposed to when you want to lose weight and become a healthier person. I bought a workout video, new workout clothes and shoes and made sure I had enough time in my schedule to make it work. So whats the problem?? Well the alarm! Off it goes at six and I swear the only thing I can do is tell myself that five more minutes wont make a difference in the amount of time it takes to work out, shower, dress, get the kids dressed, and make it out the door. Then I wake up again at seven thirty panicking and repeating the mantra "shit, shit shit". I know the cursing is bad, but it does help when you need an outlet for your mental state of panic. So it goes, for about six months, occasionally working out and buying a power bar once a month for breakfast, before deciding that it just wasn't the right program for me after all. Oh look, the YMCA is offering yoga classes for only 30 bucks a session!!