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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Confrontation

Guilty pleasures. Im not talking about the kind that get you arrested or pregnant. Im talking about the kind that you have to hide for fear of becoming a social leper. I am going to confess something. I love love love the Real Housewives. I don't know why. Ok thats a lie, I know exactly why! They get to live the lives that most people don't. They have money, some of them have looks, and drama. The money I would like, but only enough to live comfortably, not enough to develop a drug and alcohol problem. The looks are achieved by having money to pay for the expensive makeup that covers up flaws (and sometimes money cant even fix those). But the drama!! Oh the drama! Now wouldn't that be exciting?! I don't know what it is about drama, but most people crave it. I like to say I don't, but in reality I like the kind that doesn't affect me. I like to fantasize about telling someone that I secretly cant stand to be around my true feelings and watch their reaction as they play the unsuspecting victim. So why don't I? Well, I'm not a cold hearted bitch. I would feel great at the moment, but the second I saw some injured look I would do everything to try and comfort the person that I tore down. So what is the difference between them and me (The housewives of course)? Well I am not insecure enough to feel the need to Lord myself over someone else so that I feel bigger.
Have you ever had a friend that constantly walked away from a fight? Did you think, why doesnt that person stand up for themselves? Well that is me. I avoid conflict almost every time it arises. But here is how I feel about it.
I definitely have the "balls" to tell someone how I fell and, most of the time, I will win in an argument (from sheer stubbornness). I do, however, feel that most issues are resolved without someone "winning". If you really think about it, what would be gained from winning a fight?
I will give you an example. Someone, we'll call him Ernie, is having a conflict with someone else, we'll call Burt. Ernie is upset because Burt accidentally tripped him while they were crossing each other on a sidewalk. Now Ernie gets mad at Burt because he wants to play victim and starts saying things like "what the hell man, cant you see Im trying to walk here" Or "dont you watch where youre going?" And if Burt feels verbally attacked he might attack back. Would it solve anything? NO!! It would just make both parties feel like a victim. But, in most cases playing the victim feels great. You now have a reason to feel insecure. You now have someone else to blame all your negative self image issues on. Even if you are not aware thats what youre doing. I could just imagine how each person would think.
Ernie -"I can't believe what a jerk that guy is. Im ALWAYS considerate when I pass someone on the street. He didn't even have the decency to apologize, he just got out of hand. I am right"
Burt_"what an asshole!! I didnt do anything to that guy and he feels the need to attack me. Well Im not gonna take that. I am right"
Is either party really right? They feel within themselves that they are not worth what they really are so they think that everything is a personal attack. "I am overweight and he thinks Im a slob so he did it on purpose" or " I am not as attractive as that younger girl so she got a drink first, well if I were in my twenties again she would never get a drink before me".
When in reality, most people are going about their daily routines not giving you a second thought. Most people arent out to get us. And if they are then why not walk away from them, because secretly they are attacking you to feel better about themselves. So they can be right and you can be wrong, and they win.
I understand that there are instances when you shouldnt back down. When it is necessary to fight back or stand up for something or someone. But most of the time, it just causes drama. Think about when you stub your toe. It hurts, you cuss, you are in a bad mood for the next two hours, all because the thing you stubbed your toe on was out to get you.
Sometimes it takes a bigger person to walk away and let it roll of your back.

1 comment:

  1. Quitting smoking was the same way for me, it is based not only on the desire, but one determination to stay disciplined; and that can only come from the solid no turning back decision. That is the key, something has to grab you hard enough to provoke the determination in you to come to the surface.

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