Well its been a week or so since Ive written anything. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotional ups and downs. I know I am always writing about the kids, but thats what I have going on in my life right now. The boys are in the bath, Everett is in his swing, and Ben just got home from work. I have my six week appt. tommorrow with the Dr. and am curious about what she has to say. The recovery process from this pregnancy has been much longer and harder than it was with the the two older boys. Im not sure if it has to do with his size or with the fact that I dont have as much time to sit and relax from trying to keep up with the other two.
It hasnt all been sleepless nights and out of control hormones though. Sometimes when Im sitting with Everett, after the Manny and Finn have gone to bed, I just sit and wonder what life will bring in the coming years. I picture Manny at seven, in grade school and Finn starting kindergarten, while Everett is just going into preschool. I picture all of them in High School and wonder what kind of teenagers they will turn into. Maybe Manny will play football (although I picture him more as a kid in art class). Maybe Finnegan will be the one with all the girls calling the house, with those long black eyelashes and those big blue eyes. Maybe Everett will be the athletic one, playing lacrosse or hockey just like his Daddy. Its hard to imagine that and not be filled with hope. Hope that they will be men of character, hope that they will know how to treat others, and hope that I will be around to see them through all of it. That is one of my fears comes from losing my mother, that I will not be around to see them through certain things. Fear that they will never know how unconditionally I love them. Im sure most mothers have some kind of fear like that. But I wont let the fear take me over. I have had issues with anxiety in the past, but I refuse to let that come back in. But I do know that whatever happens in the next few years it will be quite a ride!